We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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