Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
