I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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