I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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