You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
