just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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