That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
