i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
