I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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