Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
