She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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