I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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