Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
