Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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