dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
