Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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