it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you win again, gameday.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
