Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
another moral hangover. fuck.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
