Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
