So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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