You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
