i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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