you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
