moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
