Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
