I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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