she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
