How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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