please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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