woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
