someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
