drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
