P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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