I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
