Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
