If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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