Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
