dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
