C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
