I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
