; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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