So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
