I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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