You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize