ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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