I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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