just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
