The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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