Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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