Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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