I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm both gender and math confused
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
