she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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