Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
