i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
