Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
