I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Im part way to drunk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
