Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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