Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
