booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
