So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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