guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
