My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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