yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
