i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
