The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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