woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
