That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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