i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
