The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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