My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
