hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
