My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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