I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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