when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
