Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
