I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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